We also used a shade o meter that is to make words better instead of sat we used sprawled and stretched out. This is my COOL SEAL STORY I am doing it from a third person view the main character is Pup (be Warned it may be a little sad)
When the sun was rising, Pup and his bob where ready to go. They left and then a big windy snow storm came. When the storm finished Pup could not see his Bob he felt so worried. He felt so alone. If only the storm did not happen. If only if was right next to his mum. If only he was at the front of the bob. Pup was terrified he felt like he was surrounded by walls. He really want to see his mum again he wanted to see his bob. He wanted to see his dad and his sister. Pup had no food and no water he want to catch a fish but he was to young to go under water.
Will he ever see his mum and his bob again?.
The highlighted bits are things like repetition and a rhetorical question.
Did you know that a group of seals are called a Bob or a pod?.
Kia ora Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI learnt a new word today as I did not realise a group of seals was a Bob. I really enjoyed your writing especially your use of the rhetorical question. One suggestion I would have is to use ctrl shift V when you paste your writing into the blog as this will keep it from going over the side of the blog.
Do you think this piece of writing you created is effervescent?
Nga mihi,
Mark
Hi Mark,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the advice I will definitely use ctrl shift v instead of ctrl v I will use that on this post to fix it. I also learnt that a pack of seals is called a bob while I was writing this. I do think this writing is effervescent.